Ceremonial Cracking of the First Beer

The Cracking of the First Beer at a new year’s camp is indeed a distinct pleasure and honor. The problem is that some may feel disenfranchised because of their tardy arrival. The late arriver should not be stigmatized of course because they are no doubt a member of some Minority Victim Class. They may have been victimized by work or family schedules, or even by commuting distance. This of course is unfair and so reparations for the Victim are in order. This being the case, I propose that we celebrate the arrival of each attendee by reenacting the Ceremonial Cracking of the First Beer as if they weren’t even a Victim. This of course does not imply that the Victim is expected to forfeit their Victim status just because reparations were made.

Finally, it’s well understood that the rich need to pay their fair share. The new arrival is expected to have the fattest cache in their cooler so some looting is in order, in fact it’s a Right – check your Constitution! You may be wondering if this looting will confer Double Victim status on the new arriver. Fear not, the rich can never be Victims.